fix me, i'm broken... not that i could blame you

fix me, i'm broken.
not enough for the likes of you and yours
too low for your discerning tastes
rotten to the core, wrapped in pretty celophane
caramel coated, poisonous with every bite.

deep inside i'm nothing.
a shadow of what you must've expected.
a hollow shell, pretty cloak covering
skinned knees and bloodied fingernails
dirt-caked tear-stained cheeks hidden deep
inside the fabric folds away from your gaze.

hitting myself over the head with repeating melodies,
patterns of bad behavior - i try to stop myself
claw at chest and arms but can't hold back
from where i know i'm inevitably going to end up
that familiar dark where i don't know my own reflection.

and you don't know me.
and i don't think anyone ever really did.
or will. or wants to. just a semi-pretty face
on a somewhat attractive frame and build
that you won't even see when the lights go out

guess i was right
self fulfilling prophecy, i made you see me
after all i knew you'd eventually come around
full circle to my way of backwards thinking,
sinking to my knees to beg for one more chance

only good for one thing
and you could've taken that from the first moment
and left me stronger than i am now, broken
by what you've stolen. of course i let you have it.
cause i wanted what you couldn't offer.

a life where i'm worth more than what's between my legs
where whats inside my head is beautiful, divine
where conflicting thoughts and raging insanity
don't wage war inside my fragile mind
where my daily battle isn't fought here alone

but that's all i'll ever be
until i come to terms with me,
and her, and she, and i, and us, and we.
cause how could i really expect anyone to want
something i consider so utterly worthless...

fix me, i'm broken
my heart in pieces on the dusty floor
old superglue didn't hold the cracks,
the slightest hint of pressure and its back down
where it belongs, crunching under your heel

as you walk away

as you don't feel

as you don't notice

as you forget i ever was or am or will be

as you forget all about me

... not that i could blame you.

i never was interesting enough to hold anyone's attention very long.